Can you imagine the rancorous reaction from a Port Adelaide fanatic if you inquired whether they intended to cheer for the Crows in the finals?
Or you casually asked a Rangers fan if they planned to barrack for Celtic in the Scottish Cup this weekend?
Nevertheless, if I suddenly woke from a coma and started experiencing the effects of foreign accent syndrome and began to “speak Freo”, I would immediately beg for that part of my brain to be removed.
For those folk who enjoy a bit of curling, most football rivalries are irrational, complex, multi-layered, and deeply rooted in emotion and psychological factors.
My illogical, deep-seated disdain for the Dockers stems from growing up opposite a family of South Fremantle supporters, who took immense pleasure in watching their bulldog maul me up every time I tried to retrieve a footy from their backyard.
Therefore, there is no universe where I’d barrack for Freo, because sport is one of those rare occasions when an unnatural contempt for a rival club is morally justified.
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And I’m not alone.
Long-standing West Coast member Mal Di Giulio eloquently expressed his feelings about whether he’d be backing the Dockers because they are from WA.
“You can’t go to Manchester and meet a local that says I support City, but hey, United are my second team,” he said.
“You cannot support Inter Milan and support AC Milan; you can’t support Arsenal and support Chelsea; and you cannot be a Royals supporter and support the Cardies or whatever their name is now.
“Moving them to Joondalup isn’t far enough away.”
However, passionate Eagles supporter Laurie de Mamiel was somewhat more forgiving.
He would happily cheer for Freo even if it occasionally strained family relations.
“I have a soft spot for Freo, because my son started to follow them after he played Auskick in a Dockers jumper,” he said.
“Once I took him to a training session at Fremantle Oval, and when my one-eyed Eagles supporter brother rang me and realised where we were, he hung up.”
With the Eagles unlikely to make the finals before the end of the decade, one might expect the Fremantle faithful to feel sympathy for the perennial cellar-dwellers.
But Dockers devotees, like Luke Rees, haven’t forgiven the rival fans from across town for years of belittling banter due to their club’s lack of success.
“You’d see too many Eagles nuffies crawling out of the woodwork touting the always hilarious ‘which ship has yet to dock at Fremantle?’,” he said.
“After 20-plus years of supporting Freo, I think the chip on my shoulder is tattooed on at this point.
“We all love an underdog story, but as soon as West Coast look to challenge again, I’m out. Luckily, I think I’ve got a bit of time on my side there.”
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Like many Dockers followers, Michaela Taliangis’ attitude towards the Eagles is shaped by years of taunting.
“When asked if I’d support the Eagles in finals if the Dockers weren’t playing, my first thought was—sure, I’d barrack for them,” she said.
“I remember being one of just three Dockers supporters in pre-primary, constantly hearing jokes like ‘how many Dockers does it take to change a light bulb?’ or, ‘which ship never sailed into Fremantle?’
“So truthfully, I’d like to think I could support the Eagles … but not all the way to the big dance.”
Given the Dockers’ recent form, there’s a good chance Freo could go deep into September.
But if, by some miracle, Fremantle reaches their second grand final, hopefully I won’t be the only Sandgroper hollering for their east-coast opponents.
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