DEAR ABBY: I don’t care for my son’s girlfriend, “Trish,” and he knows it. He seems to date needy women. It may boost his ego, but it doesn’t reflect well on the young lady.
Our initial encounter with Trish wasn’t a good one. We found her to be rude and disrespectful. He claims she was “nervous.” It’s common courtesy to acknowledge those in a room when you enter, if they’re the only ones in the room.
I don’t know if my son plans to marry Trish, but this isn’t the relationship I assumed I’d have with my son’s wife. I don’t want to just tolerate my daughter-in-law; I want to love her. Trish has made no effort to know my son’s family, not even his brother. She doesn’t view us as factors in his life at all. How do I get him to launch his net into the deep end and find a good wife? — ANXIOUS MOM IN VIRGINIA
DEAR MOM: I don’t know whether your son intends to marry this young woman either, and you could be worried for no reason. But one thing I do know is how important it is for you to extend yourself and try to make a friend out of Trish rather than an enemy. Without being nosy, get to know her background. Does she have a healthy relationship with her own mother? Does she know any of the rules of etiquette? (She may never have been taught.) If you reach out and make the attempt, you may wind up having a daughter-in-law you can love rather than one you have to tolerate. I wish you luck.
DEAR ABBY: A year and a half ago, I met someone online who I’ll call “Drew.” We immediately hit it off and have talked every day since then, often multiple times a day, with near-constant texting, etc. Drew quickly became my best friend. After a while, I realized that I don’t just love him, I am IN LOVE with him. Deeply.
We’ve met in person a few times, and that has only served to confirm my feelings. I feel safe, happy and cared for in his company, and there is nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for him if he asked. Yet he asks nothing of me.
Drew has a partner, and I assume the feelings I have for him are not mutual, although I know he considers me a very good friend. I wish I knew how to proceed. Telling him how I feel is not an option, nor is ending the friendship I rely on. Is it possible to continue as we are? How am I supposed to deal with these feelings? — HIS NON-BOYFRIEND IN CANADA
DEAR NON-BOYFRIEND: Here’s how: Recognize that you and Drew are overdue for an honest conversation about what has been going on. Ask if his partner knows about you. When someone spends as much time as you two have on the phone and texting, there is usually more going on than just friendship. If there isn’t on Drew’s part, you need to know that. However, if your feelings are mutual, then you and Drew have some serious thinking and planning to do.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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